Number one in sex ed

We had a meltdown of the scholastic kind in the year 7 camp tonight, prompted by deadlines looming and past. Past is the deadline for returning the accelerometer that only got worn during war games on Playstation.
Looming are the speech on road safety (that almost got eaten by the dishwasher), the performance in a group of four of the original 64-bar drum composition (that may as well be performed by the dishwasher) and the graphic presentation of rules in the textile room (do not stick pins in your arms, or in other students arms etc).
Plus there are decimals coming out our decimals.
But there is one subject I'm not behind in, says Gabe, grinning. PE theory. Which in the old days was called sex education.
Ohh (nervous laughter from mother).
Today we talked about periods, and the girls were nervous so Dale and I read the whole section out.
Ohh (more nervous laughter from mother).
When I first tried to put a tampon in it only got halfway and got stuck, so I ...
Ohh (nervous interjection from mother) It must be because you have older sisters that you and Dale are so knowledgeable.
Yes, and we had to list the points for and against pads and tampons, and the girls only got three and Dale and I got 17.
Ohh (slighter braver mother, never show you're afraid). And what were some of them?
You know, you can't see them and you can go swimming and stuff.
And (before mother can even blush), we had to write these definitions and for "genitals" Dale wrote "smelly nut sacks" and (mother gagging now) there was this crossword and the only word we spelt wrong was masterbate (sic) (mother giggling now), and we didn't get 20 across which was "noctural emission". (mother puzzled now). Derrr, it was wet dream. And then the girls read out this passage: "I woke up and my sheets were all sticky...:
Mother, near faint, sighs with relief. If there's a gap in the knowledge, it probably means the experience is not yet first hand.
Why don't we watch some telly, little one.