My new friends at the call centre

I took a call from a telemarketer yesterday and, flushed with my desire to be kinder to people and the warm glow of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, I did not hang up.
He was from the subcontinent (not racism, fact) and reminded me so delightfully of the character from the Marigold that all I could do was smile as he went into his spiel.
He had a great deal for me, as a business owner, to cut my phone line rental.
But I'm not a business owner.
Oh, you are not Steven Moore Photographic?
No, Stefan Moore is my husband, but he doesns't live here anymore.
I see, so you used to be a business owner.
No, that was my husband.
Never mind, today, we can offer you a great deal as a former business owner. Please, do you have a pen to write it down. We can offer you today a line rental of $34.95, with local calls of only 17 cents, that is one-seven-cents, and STD calls of only 25 centres, that is two-five-cents a minute.
But I'm not a former business owner.
Never mind, today, all you need is an active ABN, and we can offer you this deal.
But, I don't have an active ABN.
Never mind, you will now speak to my supervisor, Paul.
Hello Paul.
(Paul replays Chris's spiel about the special offer.) And today we are offering this special deal to former business owners who used to have ABN numbers.
But I'm not a former business owner and I didn't ever have an ABN number.
Never mind, because you have a residential number that used to be a business number that ends in 336, we can offer you this deal today.
Fabulous, what do I need to do?
Nothing, you need to do nothing at all. But we can offer you an even greater discount if you can pay your account through direct debit. We can offer you a line rental of $28.95, that is a whole six dollars, that is six dollars, less.
But I don't want to pay by direct debit. I like going to the post office. I'll just take the first deal.
Oh yes, but there are so many benefits of direct debit. We can send you an account at the start of the month, and you have a fortnight, two whole weeks, to review it, and if you do not find any problems and do not contact us, then we will direct debit the amount from the account which you nominate.
But I don't want to pay by direct debit. I like going to the post office. I'll just take the first deal.
Hold on a moment please, you will speak to my supervisor, Tim.
Hello, Tim.
(Tim replays spiel of Chris and Paul, asks my name.)
Oh well, Alysson, I am sure you have been delighted with the service provided by my colleagues, and now I would like to ask which account you would like to nominate for your direct debit.
But, I really don't want a direct debit. I like going to the post office. Can I just have the first deal?
Oh, the offer today is only open to customers who elect to use direct debit as a method of payment. What is your objection to direct debit please?
Well, I like going to the post office.
Oh, what is it about the post office you like? (dangerous territory, well off-script).
Well, it gets me out of the office, and nothing much else does, except the Turkish gozleme man on Thursdays and Fridays when I also buy flowers. And I need a break sometimes, you know?
And I like that the post office sells lots of interesting things, like travel pillows, and CDs, and books and sewing machines. I like standing in line and looking at them. I did most of my Christmas shopping there. But mostly I like the really sunny woman with the crazy hair who has worked there as long as I can remember, even when the post office used to be in the lovely old building where the pigeons live now and she had even crazier hair. I always hope to be served by her, just to see what whacky thing she might say today.
OK, Alysson, thank you for your time today. (call ends)